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Youth pastors and parents: Allied forces

Norm Funk

I have been in full-time youth ministry for eight years, which doesn’t make me an expert by any means, but, with the average youth pastor staying in a church only 16–18 months, it does make me an exception. I can state with absolute confidence that in that time I have not met any parents who didn’t love their sons and daughters and want the best for them. Although I have a burden for the youth I work with, I know that my burden pales in comparison to that of a kid’s mom or dad.


Parents desire to see their teens become part of the church and its youth ministry, but I have also learned that there are no guarantees that any teen will become part of the church. I have had way too many discussions with godly, loving parents whose kids have run away from the church and Christianity. I am not so naïve to think that if a parent follows a set of rules, all will work out – I have seen too many cases where it turned out otherwise.

However, over the years I have seen some things modelled in parents that I believe have helped them in the raising of their kids. Maybe they will help you as well.

Model to your kids that church and its ministries are of high importance. It’s one thing to tell your family that church is important – it’s another thing to model it. Do you allow your job to consistently interfere with church and Bible study? Do you plan events on weekends that take your family away from church on a consistent basis? Do you tell your son or daughter to go to Bible study and not attend one yourself? Do you put your kid in Sunday school and spend the hour drinking coffee in the foyer? Do you allow your kids to plan their lives in such a way that extracurricular activities cut out most or all church time? Do you take a summer-long vacation from church? I have seen every one of these things be a catalyst for a teen in the youth group to stop attending. Understand that youth pastors aren’t called to parent your kids. Parents and youth pastors are to be allied forces, but one is not to replace the other. As a youth pastor, my call is to shepherd, pray and teach, but make no mistake – I am not called to parent. I want to do all I can to help parents, but the ultimate discipler is the parent. Parents should never forget that they are the greatest influence on their teen’s life – even though at times it may not seem so. Realize that God may have a unique call on your kid’s life. God may call one or more of your kids to missions or ministry or Bible school. One of the greatest things about working with students is that they are passionate and non-jaded, still willing to try new and “dangerous” things. As a parent, you should be sensitive through prayer to the call of God in the life of your teen. If your kids talk about ministry to you, my exhortation is that you seek God’s will before you say yes or no. Never lose hope. Never stop praying.

Norm Funk is Pastor of Student Ministries at Willingdon Church in Burnaby, B.C. This article is adapted from the February 2000 Willingdon Church Newsletter.

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Last modified February 14, 2002.

© 2002 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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