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Learning to trust

Gela Langhjelm

My husband Nils started his story by saying that the day we renewed our vows was as wonderful as our wedding day had been. Our wedding day was wonderful, but the day we renewed our vows was far more wonderful. The joy of our wedding was one of innocence; when we renewed our vows, we had joy inspired by our overflowing gratefulness to an awesome God!

The time that Nils and I were apart was difficult. For the first time in my life, I had to depend on myself to meet the needs of my family. That is exactly what I did. I tried to keep it all together without relying on God. I didn’t completely shut Him out, but I didn’t turn to Him for direction. Not only had I stopped trusting Nils, but I had stopped trusting God as well. I filled my spare time with so many activities with the kids and friends that I had little time left to think. I didn’t want to have time to think; it hurt too much. After pursuing that course for some time, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I couldn’t sleep well, lost weight and had a hard time focusing at work. But Christ in His mercy continued to sustain me and to meet our needs. Without recognizing it then, I can see that He gave me just enough energy to get by, but not enough for me to say that I was doing fine.

Although I was unaware of it at the time, the Lord continued to direct me. He gave me friends and family that were supportive and a pastor who was there for me. Through regular counselling, he asked me tough questions and made me go home and think about them. Then I’d have to return with answers to those questions. He often had things to say that I didn’t want to hear, and without fail he would turn my direction towards Christ. He helped me to understand that trust wasn’t just a feeling that one had, but a choice one made. When that thought finally penetrated, things started to change. I started to see some incredible changes in Nils, and some in myself. When I chose to trust God, my broken heart started to mend.

Since then, it has been an uphill journey. Nils and I are back together with a strength in our commitment to one another that was never there before. We still have disagreements and struggles, but they are nothing like before! We used to tear each other apart with our words; now we are able to work things out in a constructive manner. There are still difficulties with health issues, but we know that God is good. We know that He will take care of us. In many small and sometimes not so small ways, God is continually supplying our needs. He has once again opened up areas where Nils and I can be useful in ministering to others. He has also given us the joy of seeing our children growing in faith. Most of all, He continues to show us love and to be our Friend and Father.

Gela Langhjelm is a member of Yarrow (B.C.) MB Church.

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Last modified August 2, 2001.

© 2001 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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