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A Mother’s Day testimony

Marcella Redekop

The first Mother’s Day was observed in 1908. It was brought about by a lady, Anna Jarvis, who was never a mother herself; she simply wanted to honour her mother, Anna Reeves Jarvis. The occasion became much larger than Anna Jarvis ever intended, and she eventually went insane fighting the commercialism associated with Mother’s Day. There are many others for whom this day brings much distress as well, not necessarily due to the commercialism.

For the past five years, Mother’s Day has been a day of grief for me. I have been dealing with unexplained infertility. It is very normal to want to be a mom; in fact, we’re brought up to believe that we will be, without question. Ron and I had arranged our whole marriage around the belief that we would have children: We had purchased a three-bedroom house, and we have always lived on one income so that we’d be used to living that way when children came along.

Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” My heart was very sick; in fact, I was depressed. Every month was an emotional roller coaster ride. Comments such as “Don’t worry; it’ll happen” cut deeply within my spirit, because only God knew if “it would happen”, and He wasn’t telling. I was mad at God. The injustices of life screamed at me mockingly, and God’s love and control seemed like fantasies that I had vainly trusted in. My faithfulness to Him over many years, even when I barely knew who He was, seemed like such a cruel waste of time; I felt He’d abandoned me or was picking on me. It was a very long and lonely journey. I was like a porcupine – my pain often made me painful to be around. I sought counselling because I desperately needed someone to listen to me non-judgementally.

I learned many things during this long journey. I learned that grief is much larger than the physical loss of someone through death. It includes the loss of dreams and hopes and plans. The inability to bear a family is an enormous loss, and requires time and much energy to be grieved. Yet no freedom from the grief will come until it’s looked squarely in the face. I learned that having children is not a right but a privilege. I learned that we really don’t control our lives, nor our reproductive abilities. And I came to accept in a deeper way that God’s “thoughts are not [my] thoughts” and His “ways [are] higher than [my] ways” (Isaiah 55:8-9). From the “Serenity Prayer”, I learned to accept what I could not change, found courage to change the things I could and gained wisdom to know the difference.

Why do I tell my story? Because I want those who are hurting to know that they are not alone. I can never forget this journey; it has profoundly shaped who I am and the ministry God has given me. I also tell it because I want to do what 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 says: to comfort those in tribulation with the comfort I myself have received from God.

There are many who feel pain on Mothers’ Day – including those whose child has died; those who long to have a child (whether married, or single and wanting to be married); those with children whose behaviour is breaking their hearts; those whose mother has died; those whose mother lives far away; and those whose mother has been difficult to honour and respect. To all of them, I say: Please remember that God loves you, and He is not picking on you.

We often quote the first part of Romans 8:28 (“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him”), but we ignore the rest of that passage (“who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.”) Verse 28 is self-serving without the rest. God wants His followers to become more like His Son in character, wanting, like Jesus did on earth, to do God’s will and fulfill God’s purpose. A time of loss is a perfect time to re-evaluate our purposes and priorities. When we are facing pain, that is the perfect time to seek Jesus – He is well acquainted with grief. We should use this time to get to know Him in a new and deeper way, dare to ask the deeper questions of life and seek to become more like Jesus.

It is also important for all of us to be, as James wrote in James 1:19, “quick to listen, slow to speak”. I had to seek counselling in order to be listened to. I had been offered many well-intentioned words, but without someone coming alongside to be with me, to just listen, words felt like a push to go away. All of us (myself included) need to work at offering time and a non-judgemental ear and heart, rather than words of wisdom. People dealing with unexpected grief are facing a spiritual crisis. They need to know that God is there and that He still loves them. We need to be Jesus to them, to be God’s arms of love to them, reminding them that they are loveable.

The words from the song “Trust His heart” have comforted me during this journey: “God is too wise to be mistaken. God is too good to be unkind. So when you don’t understand, when you don’t see His plan, when you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.”

Ron and Marcella Redekop are senior pastor couple of Northside Community Church in Mission, B.C. They now have a three-year-old daughter, Darya, whom they adopted from Russia at the age of seven months and who has “brought them much joy”. This article was written in 1999 and published in the monthly newsletter of Central Heights MB Church in Abbotsford, B.C.

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Last modified June 29, 2001.

© 2001 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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