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Get real

Julie Rempel

The first time divorce became a reality in my life was 10 years ago. I watched as both some relatives and my girl friend’s parents split up. For both couples, it was adultery that ultimately ensured the divorce papers were signed. Since then, I have witnessed the majority of my friends tie the knot, and this past year I’ve started holding the hands of two of those couples whose marriages are heading towards divorce court.

There is no question in my mind that every marriage encounters bumps along the way; some are just bigger than others. Still, the idea of marriage is romanticized. A few months ago, one of my best friends got married. It will be interesting to see how long their “lovey-dovey” stage will last, because it won’t be long before the illusion of who each other is wears off and reality takes its place. In some ways, I think that that is the best way to head into marriage . . . naïve. If I could have grasped the work that goes into making a marriage work, I seriously doubt that I would have been as eager to say “I do”. When my husband and I married five years ago, we both thought that the romance and the “newness” of one another would never end. Life, however, is not like that. We “old married couples” know that there can be a much more rewarding relationship with your spouse once the grandeur of “romantic love” has dissipated. However, I can’t help but struggle with disappointment that romance is an illusion and that in order to truly love someone you have to “get real”.

All you romantics will tell me how you and your spouse keep romance alive . . . candlelight dinners, fireside chats and love notes hidden for your spouse to find at a later date. Don’t get me wrong: All this is wonderful, and I wholeheartedly believe that it is a declaration of your love for one another. But all it proves is that you have been seeking to maintain an intimacy with one another – and that has come through work, which, generally speaking, is usually not that romantic!

Much the same is our relationship with Jesus Christ. At times, we romanticize our union with God. We go through life talking in Christian lingo, thinking that God (or anyone else for that matter) will not see that we really don’t feel like praising God, that we’d rather be telling Him that we are tired of waiting, that we’re feeling depressed because we are not getting the answer we had hoped for. Just as we all have had to “get real” with our spouse, we have to do the same with God. I love my husband, but I do not go through my day feeling love for him. Nor do I with God. If our love for God was to be based solely on emotion, then we would soon want a divorce from Him. I’m not saying that we will never feel the love of God, because we will – just as at times we feel an overwhelmingly love for our spouse. But that alone will not sustain us. It is about commitment. We need to be committed to following God’s teachings, listening to Him, dwelling in His love, seeking to know Him better, serving Him, talking to Him, believing in Him and loving Him. We need to renew our commitment to our spouse on a daily basis (sometimes more than that!). Marriage can be difficult; it requires commitment – as does our relationship with God.

Julie Rempel lives in Winnipeg, Man.

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Last modified January 31, 2001.

© 2001 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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