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Where do we get our anger?

Peter A. Sacco

“Keep away from angry, short-tempered men, lest you learn to be like them and endanger your soul” (Proverbs 22:24, Living Bible). Much of today’s entertainment – especially certain types of rock and rap music – expresses the hearts of angry, short-tempered men (and women). Their anger spills out into their music and movies. Scripture warns us over and over again that associating with angry people will lead us to become more like them. If we don’t stay away from this type of person – either personally or through our entertainment – it will ultimately undermine our spiritual walk. Do you get angry easily? Are you short-tempered? Maybe you should evaluate your entertainment. Do you watch programs or listen to music that reinforce anger and violence as a way to deal with life’s problems? Do they portray angry people in a positive manner? If so, you shouldn’t wonder why you are struggling in this area. The Bible promises that you will! Al Menconi, Media Update, March/April 1997

No one can “make us mad”. We make ourselves angry. No one controls our minds, and we can think and feel whatever we want. We become what we feel as a result of what we think. Descartes, the French philosopher, asserted, “I think, therefore I am.” I think, therefore I feel, and if I feel something long enough, I am liable to believe that that is what I am and become that.

Anger is not a bad emotion; rather, it is how we handle our anger which makes it good or bad.

Do you have an anger management problem? If you do, it has probably developed through practice and familiarity. To always react with anger is a conditioned response. When you learned to play an instrument, you had to be very deliberate in your fingering and body positioning, but now it is second nature. When you drove a car for the first few times, it took you a good couple of minutes to get moving; now you’re moving in less than 30 seconds. Anger is also a skill that is practised and learned. If a child uses tantrums to get what he wants, he will refine these behaviours through constant practice. If our anger gets us what we want, why get rid of it?

Anger is usually the result of fear, particularly the fear of losing something, such as our pride and self-acceptance. Everyone would like to feel good about himself and be accepted by society. Our anger comes from believing that we have been rejected or threatened in some way; it is a result of feelings of low self-worth, and we use it to defend our pride or get another person’s attention. We learn this in childhood and take it with us into adulthood.

To be Christian is to surrender ourselves totally to God. Jesus Christ is our Saviour, who has the power to set us free from sin and fear. To truly believe in Christ is not to fear, for if Christ is on our side, then who can be against us? What is the big deal if society does not accept us? After all, was Christ not God and was He not rejected by the very same society we are afraid of? If we keep our eyes focused on Christ, we will have nothing to fear, for we have been accepted by our King. If we do not keep our eyes focused on Christ, then we run the risk of accepting negative feelings and behaviours such as fear and anger.

If we are what we feel, then Christians should feel like Christians, loved and accepted by their Master. Just as anger is learned and rehearsed until it becomes second nature, so can peace, love and patience be learned. Through Jesus’ grace and mercy, if we choose not to be angry, we need not be angry.

Peter A. Sacco is a psychologist living in Niagara Falls, Ont., and is author of a new book on abusive relationships, Women want what they can’t have. (Information on the book is available at http://psychedoc.homestead.com.)

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Last modified October 20, 2000.

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