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Cancer – A journey of hope

Angelina Fast-Vlaar

I grope for the telephone. Shaking fingers fumble to find the buttons to press. The ringing starts and stops, and his soft voice says, “Hello.” I’m dumbstruck, realizing that one word will shatter his joy, his recent-found joy. Finally, while choking, “Hon, it’s malignant.” A muffled groan wells up from the depths of his loving heart. “Oh no, my love – I’ll be right there.” He comes and we collapse in each other’s arms and cling as we’re hurtled, crying, into the valley of the shadow of cancer. Later, when our tears are dried, we see the Shepherd with outstretched hands ready to comfort and to guide. He knew we were coming.

This last line flowed from my pen without my planning it. I stared at it, and my eyes filled with tears of thankfulness as the meaning of the words crept into my soul. My journey with cancer was just beginning, and I was filled with bewilderment and anxiety, terrified of the suffering ahead. Yet, God knew I would be here on this day, and, because He was present, I realized my journey could also be filled with comfort, love and hope. My tight-fisted “Why” could be changed into a hands-open “To what end?” My hope could be based on God’s many promises.

I scoured the Scriptures for these promises:

I hoped the surgery to remove the tumour in my colon would go well. God gave me a vision of the operating room bathed in gold – the promise of His presence. I hoped I would be able to bear the loss of hair, and I was reminded that not one hair would perish without God’s knowing (Luke 21:18, Matthew 10:29-32). Cancer seemed like a lion biding his time to devour a victim, until my eyes were drawn to the Lion King, triumphant on his throne, wiping away every tear (Revelation 4-6). I hoped I would not slip and fall flat on my face during the awful year of chemotherapy, and I was given, “When I said, ‘My foot is slipping’, Your love, O LORD, supported me” (Psalm 94:18). Sometimes I felt as if I were in a deep pit, and I found hope in: “I called on Your name, 0 LORD, from the depths of the pit. You heard my plea. . . . You came near when I called You, and You said, ‘Do not fear’” (Lamentations 3:55). I hoped the year would not be a “wasted” year, and I soon realized the purpose of the refining fire.

When one hopes, when one expects to receive, a shift in reality occurs. It is as if a container is opened ready to be filled. One’s heart and soul become receptive to possibilities. One begins to say, “I wonder how God will work this out,” rather than “I can’t believe this terrible thing is happening to me.” An attitude of surrender creeps in when one accepts God’s control of everything in one’s life.

A quote on my fridge read, “All the necessary supplies have already been provided for this Journey.” This kept me on the lookout for provisions, and I found them bountifully – a soft pillow, a warm duvet, a glowing fire, a great story to divert my mind from the nausea, a friend bringing a savoury soup, a loving and understanding husband.

An attitude of hope, and confidence and surrender creates an optimal climate for healing. It has been scientifically proven that those who are able to relax, surrender, pray and hope have a higher survival rate from disease. Our defences are strengthened, and natural, God-designed healing takes place. Of course, sometimes He delights us with a supernatural miracle!

A life-threatening illness brings us face to face with our mortality, and the desire to live may well be our all-consuming hope. To learn to say, “My times are in Your hands” (Psalm 31:15) places this hope where it belongs. A friend, a cancer patient who passed on to glory last year, shared the thought that as Christians we just cannot lose. To be granted extended years here gives us great joy. To be called Home means a still greater joy – the expectation of eternal life!

Angelina Fast-Vlaar lives in St. Catharines, Ont. and is the author of The Valley of Cancer – A Journey of Comfort and Hope (Essence Publishing, phone (800) 238-6376, Web site www.essence.on.ca).

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Last modified June 27, 2000.

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