Understanding congregational splits

Fred Starke and Bruno Dyck

One of the most troubling experiences for many pastors is dealing with church members who seem to stand in opposition on almost every issue. These persons apparently thrive on conflict. At least, it seems to surround most of what they do. God must have a universal plan for keeping pastors humble, for it often seems there are at least one or two such people in every congregation.

Typically, these critics voice strong expressions of concern for the church, as though they are genuinely interested in its future – and they probably are. But they do so in a way that undermines and questions leadership, particularly pastoral leadership. They are always creating discord, casting doubt into the process of every decision and creating suspicion about the pastor.

I have known pastors who have left pastoral ministry out of the sheer frustration of dealing with such people. Others have survived with strong determination not to allow that to happen, but they carry scars from the protracted conflicts and persistent innuendo. I think almost every pastor could readily identify these people in every congregation he or she has served.

Often congregations know of individuals who act in dysfunctional ways, yet they seldom do anything about it. Even when most members support the pastor and don’t like what is happening, they feel helpless. Or they may think it is the pastor’s job to correct the situation.

The result is that in the very community where love and support are supposed to thrive, too often we live with discord, broken relationships and unhappy people. Everyone loses.

The problem is greatly accentuated in small congregations. Sometimes the church depends on the difficult individual’s financial support. Or the person may have extended family who will rally to his or her support if challenged. Furthermore, there is a feeling that one should never do anything that might cause a church member to leave. In larger congregations, there is a greater chance that the pastor will be somewhat more protected from persistent critics, but the problem occurs in these congregations as well.

Our natural inclination to avoid conflict often prevents us from getting involved, and there are always a hundred reasons why we are not the ones to deal with dysfunctional members. First of all, most of us are afraid of them. Pastors feel that a direct confrontation will only confirm in the minds of others that it is the pastor’s problem.

There is a new wave of interest in the problem of dealing with difficult people. Business workshops sponsored by our local university carry titles such as “How to Deal with Problem Employees” and “Tactful Toughness”.

Books, not all of which are that helpful, address the issue from a pastoral perspective. I’m particularly concerned about those books that demonize the persistent critic. I prefer to interpret the problem as a disability. These critics often can’t help what they do, because it has become so much a part of their nature.

Pastors must learn coping skills. They must develop thick skins to defend themselves against unwarranted criticism. They must develop perspective to understand and interpret what is happening to them. Pastors also must be self-critical, to be certain they are not the cause of a problem. Pastors must also have the confidence and humility to extend an olive branch.

John A. Esau is the former director of Ministerial Leadership Services for the General Conference Mennonite Church and author of Congregations and Pastors: Reflections on the Work of the Church. This article was originally published in the Sept. 3, 1998 issue of Mennonite Weekly Review.

Need help? Mennonite and Brethren in Christ Conciliation Services of Canada was formed ten years ago as a joint ministry of the Ontario Conference of Mennonite Brethren Churches, the Mennonite Conference of Eastern Canada, the Canadian Conference of Brethren in Christ Churches and Mennonite Central Committee Ontario. The services it offers include: consultation or “coaching” to church leaders who are helping their congregations through difficult issues; mediation, facilitation or longer term intervention when a skilled, neutral outsider is called for; and training opportunities for church leaders and lay people who want to develop and strengthen their gifts as peacemakers. For further information, contact Nan Cressman at: 258 Lakeshore Dr., R.R.#1, Desbarats, Ont. P0R 1E0 Phone: (705) 782-0287 E-mail: cressman@soonet.ca

Last modified May 31, 2005.

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