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Confessions of a terrified worship leader

Greg Hamm

A little over five years ago, my wife and I were asked to join the leadership of a new church that was being planted by the B.C. MB Conference Board of Church Extension. Imagine that! Leave the vibrant, dynamic, growing church where my wife and I were plugged in and enjoying growing relationships with some really great people? Leave all that for a new church, starting with just a handful of people and a vision to reach the “unchurched”. Sounds interesting but. . ..

And you want me to be the worship leader? Yes, I sing on the worship team. Yes, I’ve filled in for the regular worship leader a few times (that was really challenging even with the support of a great worship team), but that doesn’t mean. . ..

What have you got for a worship team? A lady who plays the keyboard. I see. I don’t even play an instrument! Although I’ve had this nagging feeling for the last six months that I should learn to play the guitar. . ..

To make a long story short, in spite of all the human reasons not to, Heather and I knew that God was calling us, so we went. As much as I might like to tell you that I had this wonderful sense of peace and God miraculously provided an “instant” worship team, I can’t. I didn’t, He didn’t, and I was terrified!

I was literally learning to play my guitar (a newly acquired gift from a friend) in front of people as I was also learning how to lead our small group in worship. Each week was a new experience in doubt, fear, apprehension and insecurity, sometimes bordering on sheer terror. However, each week was also a new adventure in experiencing the power and the faithfulness of God as I confessed to Him, “I really can’t do this! If l try to do this in my own strength, I will fail, so Holy Spirit I am completely dependent on You. Please fill me and use me – in spite of my weakness – to glorify Jesus.” That’s all I could do – throw myself at the mercy of God, pray . . . and practice, practice, practice.


You know what? It worked! As I and our slowly growing worship team have consistently worshipped God and practised together, He has been pleased to use us to glorify Jesus. Since the beginning, people have consistently given us very positive feedback about the worship in our church. And, just to make sure we understand how this works, the days when I thought I really blew it were often the days when people would come up and say, “Worship was wonderful today. I really felt God’s presence.” I can’t begin to describe how humbling that is. It reminded me all over again that it’s not about how “good” or “talented” I am; it’s about whether or not I am being obedient to Him and about how gracious He is to use me in my weakness.

Looking back, how would I describe the experience? There have been many challenges, but just as many rewards. There have been times of great joy, and there have also been times of desperation, frustration and exhaustion. There were times when I felt very discouraged and quite sorry for myself: “God, why haven’t You brought us more musicians like such-and-such a church? Why haven’t You given us other worship leaders so I can have a break once in a while?” Okay, so I whined to God a little bit. He didn’t seem to mind. He just said, “Keep doing what you’re doing, learn to be content with that, and trust Me for the rest.”

Was it worth it? Absolutely. I love to worship my Heavenly Father more than anything else, and leading others in worship is an incredible joy that cannot be adequately explained in words. It is an awesome privilege and a responsibility that I don’t take lightly.

Did the fear ever go away? Sure, for the most part, slowly, eventually, after about two years. Now sometimes I almost miss the fear because of how much it made me depend on God.

Did God ever provide a “complete” worship team? Eventually – about three years down the road, and not the way I thought He would. Some of the people who have become key worship musicians were actually in the church for some time – they just hadn’t become Christians yet! Remember those rewards I mentioned? How do you think it feels to have people from the community come to church, give their lives to Jesus and start serving Him on the worship team, eventually becoming church leaders? I’ll tell you how it feels – it feels great!

Have I made mistakes? Of course, lots of them. Thankfully, my Heavenly Father knows I’m not perfect. I also have the great blessing of being surrounded by loving people who support and encourage me and allow me to learn from my mistakes.

Would I do it all over again? Without a doubt. Overall, this is the most challenging, meaningful and rewarding experience I’ve ever had as a Christian. I can’t imagine what life would be like if I had said “No”.

What’s next? I’m actually taking a short break from public ministry right now, but if I’m hearing God’s voice correctly, Bible school may be in my future, and then. . ..

Greg Hamm is a worship leader at Fleetwood Community Church in Surrey, B.C.

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Last modified December 9, 1999.

© 1999 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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