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Can the church help parents whose child is gay?

“A Wounded Mom”

I believe that all Christian parents have high hopes and beautiful dreams for each one of their children. The arrival of children brings joy and anticipation of what they can become. Healthy development is sought for every area of their life. As our children grew up, I remember thinking: “I’m raising them for the Lord. I’ll take great care to not let them go astray.”

However, a day came bearing incredible news: “Your son is a practising homosexual.”

My shocked response was: “No, you’re not telling me the truth. I know that’s not true”!

To verify my conviction, I called our son at work. I was too restless to wait till the end of the day. “Son, this is what I have been told. Just tell me it’s not true, and I’ll be satisfied.”

He couldn’t get those words past his lips.

I spoke again: “I don’t believe it. Just tell me it’s not true.”

No such response, only a vague hedging around my question.

Then, as a sickening dagger pierced my heart, I knew the awful truth. How could it be? We had had a strong spiritual emphasis in our home. We prayed, played, worked, made music and sang together. Sunday school and church services were regular features of our life. What had gone wrong?

We were too stunned, shocked, ashamed and hurt to think rationally. We clung to the hope that surely, now that it was out in the open and he knew of our dismay and strong disapproval, he would quit the practice. We had no idea of the stranglehold it already had on him.

As time wore on, the pressure of the burden on my husband and me increased. It was constantly on our mind. We felt it must be kept a secret because the shame (and blame) was so great. Yet we felt emotionally strangled, almost too ill to function, and we began to realize we couldn’t carry on like this.

Although we belonged to a caring group in our church, there was not the closeness and confidentiality needed for us to open up. Our first move at sharing was to call over a trusted brother and his wife. Talking to them helped release a lot of the pressure, at least temporarily.

After some time, we invited our pastor couple to come over, and that, too, was a good move. Their sympathetic prayers and sensitive listening were appreciated.

Were there any other resources available to us? Each person must carry his own burden until the Lord lifts it, but encouragers are very helpful.

As our son continued in his wayward lifestyle, we gradually, privately told the rest of our family. Mostly very few words were spoken. There was a lot of sorrow, and, yes, there was a certain amount of rejection of him. That hurt, too. We were fervently hoping and praying for a restoration of his way of life.

Was our church helpful? By the glances that came our way, we felt they must know something, but we never knew what or how much. Possibly, with our pastor helping us, we could have disclosed the situation to our congregation at a closed communion service with spontaneous prayer support following. That is part of what a church body is for. For me, that would have been helpful.

This all happened some years ago. At that time, homosexuality was not an easily discussed subject, and we suffered a lot in our silence. Now, if I should hear of some church family stricken as we were, I would like there to be available a listening ear, a praying heart and a compassionate tear.

God has, in His own effective way, been dealing with our son, and we trust that restoration is well on its way.

A wounded Mom

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Last modified November 23, 1999.

© 1999 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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