Previous | Next 

PERSONAL OPINION
A personal journey

John H. Redekop

As we proceed through life, we all shape our individual spiritual journeys. No two pilgrimages are the same. Each encompasses God’s love and sovereignty, human fallenness and personal foibles.

I had a happy childhood. I didn’t know that I was an underprivileged child, and thus it didn’t bother me. The hand-me-downs (I was the youngest of six) were comfortable, and, although our family lacked certain items now termed essentials, we never went hungry. We were poor but not destitute. I had total faith in my parents’ ability to provide for my well-being – materially, socially and spiritually – and they certainly did that to the best of their ability. Their modelling of a vibrant walk with God set key parameters.

Like many children who grew up in the 30s and 40s, I had several conversion experiences. Several early occasions, beginning about age five, were motivated primarily by fear and a sense of guilt, but also by the desire to please my parents and God. Fear was, however, dominant, since I understood the fires of hell better than the golden streets of heaven. More than once, especially when the thunder was loud and the lightning very close, I scampered down to my parents’ bedroom and declared both my fear and my desire to be saved. They were always patient, loving and helpful.

By the time I was six or seven, I developed a great sense of the significance and pervasiveness of sin. I found much sin in myself, and also concerned myself with looking for it in others. I was particularly concerned about unforgiven sin and the ominous consequences.

My preoccupation took an unusual bent. Somewhere I had heard that very serious consequences could follow if we let the sun go down without confessing our sins of that day. I decided that this truth had to be applied to my life. Daily, late in the afternoon or in the evening, depending on the time of year, I began to watch the sun. When it got close to the horizon, I made my rounds, going to everyone in the family and asking for forgiveness for all of my sins of that day. Sometimes, if I could recall specifics, I mentioned those. Usually each member of my family heard only a general confession and request. I obviously had a problem on cloudy days. I think that at times I waited until the sun had actually set – who could prove it? – but I tried always to complete my rounds before total darkness set in.

My five siblings and my parents were amazingly accepting of my childish but very sincere understanding and treatment of sin. A few times, one or the other would kid me, but they never embarrassed me.

My making of the rounds lasted probably two or three years. I abandoned the daily routine when I decided to tackle the problem by focusing more on avoidance of sin.

In my childhood, I grappled with various questions. Two major ones were the concept of eternity and the eternal existence of God. They troubled me endlessly. How could eternity not have an end? Even more problematically, how could it not have had a beginning? Even the concept of eternity had to have had a beginning! I also struggled with the question of whether heaven could be so desirable that one would never tire of it. Sometimes, when my friends wanted to play tag or play with marbles, I was more interested in talking about eternity.

The notion of a God without a beginning was equally problematic. Surely, if one went back far enough, there had to be a beginning. But then I faced the question: What could have existed before God? And if the answer was “nothing,” then what caused God? I still have to be careful not to dwell on these matters too much.

When I was about 12 years old, I responded to an altar call at an evangelistic meeting conducted near Main Centre, Saskatchewan, by Rev. Henry Hildebrand, the long-time leader of Briercrest Bible Institute. This great man of God is now retired in Abbotsford, B.C. I still have a sense of indebtedness and gratitude when I talk with him. He and his associates helped me considerably in comprehending the positive and joyful aspects of the Christian life.

This experience helped me grow in my Christian commitment, but, in retrospect, I still lacked one key component. I still concentrated too much on salvation from sin and not enough on the Lordship of Christ.

In my teen years, I experienced several more salvation commitments, especially while attending the Mennonite Educational Institute, which I did for five very fine years. These focused less on fear and guilt and more on faith and obedience.

At various times, heavy temptations plagued me. These involved my thought life, my tendency to be a very determined competitor, my inclination to be acquisitive concerning money, and my desire to excel and be popular. Later I discovered that God could use many of these tendencies, redirected and transformed, in Christian service (God can turn weaknesses into strengths), but at the time they hindered my spiritual growth.

When I was in grade 12, I experienced serious doubts about my faith. To a considerable extent, these centred on the fact that I could not state with full assurance exactly when I had become a Christian. The fact was that I could not recall any time when I did not believe. Maybe Satan was trying to derail my determination to mature spiritually. In any event, one day, while sitting in my grade 12 classroom, I decided that that day, November 24, 1949, would be the day which I would cite as my day of indisputable commitment to Jesus as Saviour and Lord. While full yielding continues as a process, that date remains fixed.

That year, I also decided to get baptized. I took this step of obedience on September 3, 1950. I had decided to wait with baptism largely because I did not want to merely conform to peer pressure and parental hopes and expectations.

My pilgrimage continues. It is a marvellous experience, especially as I remind myself that there can be no peaks without valleys. God’s goodness is constant.

Perhaps some day I will recount some happenings and milestones in my adult journey with God. This column is also too short for me to add ideas about what it means to be a Christian educator. Perhaps I will write a piece on that at a later date.

John H. Redekop is on the faculty of Trinity Western University and is a member of Bakerview MB Church in Abbotsford, B.C.

Previous | Next 

Last modified September 27, 1999.

© 1999 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
Masthead and usage information.