Previous | Next 

Embracing a forgiving lifestyle

Eric Wright

Our granddaughter Kassandra grimaced. Tears began to well up in her eyes. The problem? Asking for forgiveness. She had just walloped one of her sisters, and her mother was urging her, “All I want you to do is tell Adrianna you’re sorry.” From across the room I could see resistance stiffening her body. Kassandra tried every weapon in her four-year-old arsenal in an attempt to avoid saying those two little words.

“Kassandra, you’re not alone with that problem,” I thought, remembering how difficult I had found apologizing to my wife, Mary Helen, a few days previously. Asking for forgiveness shouldn’t be a big deal – just a few simple words: “I’m sorry, honey” or “I shouldn’t have acted that way. Please forgive me.” A kiss and a hug, and suddenly the storm clouds would be gone. The sun would shine again.

Forgiveness knits together the fraying strands of torn relationships like nothing else. And yet families continue to break up, friendships crash, churches split and nations divide:

The chair of the nomination committee is warned: “Don’t put them on the same committee. Their families have never gotten along since their fathers disagreed on the building project in ’65.” A middle-aged divorced woman approaches her pastor concerning reconciliation with her ex-husband. She claims that they are both Christians, but that harsh words after a quarrel led to 25 years of alienation. Their family has suffered terribly. Each has been too proud to ask the other for forgiveness. But now, with her husband in the hospital, she wants to be remarried. Ever since his clash with a previous pastor, Jim Jenkins (not his real name) rebuffs any attempt to involve him in church life. The pastor admitted his fault and was reconciled before moving on to another congregation. Jenkins, however, refuses to forgive the elders who failed to support him at that time.

Uncommon? Unfortunately not. After 43 years of following Christ, I still struggle to say, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Most Christians do. Indeed, one of my first challenges as the pastor of a new church is to deal with any real or perceived bitterness that lingers as a legacy from the past.

Why is the problem so prevalent? How can those of us who experience forgiveness through the blood of Christ refuse forgiveness to our fellow creatures? Most of us know the parable about the servant who was forgiven a million, but refused to forgive an insignificant debt owed by another servant (Matthew: 18:21-35). Such conduct in professing Christians creates a jarring dissonance when laid alongside the cry from the cross-“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing.”

Every time we pray in harmony with Jesus’ model prayer, we ask God to “forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors”. Jesus warns us, “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:12,14,15).

Clearly, an unforgiving lifestyle calls into question our identity as children of God. After all, peach trees do not produce lemons; neither does the Great Forgiver produce bitter children.

Michael Carlucci was convicted of manslaughter for shooting the son of pastor Walter Everett. The bereaved father explained why he forgave Michael. “People won’t be able to understand why Jesus came and what Jesus is all about unless we forgive.” Everett’s explanation was no mere rhetoric. The murderer became a follower of Christ while in jail. Upon release, he wanted to be married. Unbelievable as it sounds, Everett performed the ceremony.

Eric Wright is a Baptist pastor and writer. This article is reprinted, with permission, from the Jan. 19, 1999 issue ChristianWeek.

Previous | Next 

Last modified August 31, 2000.

© 2000 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
Masthead and usage information.